thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
