hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
