im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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