Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Those nachos came to me in a dream
you made out with another girl for some wings
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
