U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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