no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
