you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
