im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i dont even know how to be here
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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