Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
