can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
