I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize