I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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