no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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