My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
