I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
