You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
