she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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