Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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