She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
