Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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