Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
