Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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