i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
