I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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