So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
