not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Randomize
