Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
