Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
