Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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