I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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