Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
This beer is not sobering me up at all
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
