She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
