he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
