I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
