Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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