Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
