You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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