really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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