do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
