Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
