just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Too much gin, very little bucket
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Randomize
