Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
