i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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