Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
