apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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