im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
