i may or may not be watching the land before time
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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