you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize