I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize