i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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