Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
