She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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