We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
