R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
