hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
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