The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
