Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
