I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
My vagina is very pro this idea
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
