life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
