it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
