wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
