Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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