Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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