Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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