1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
