When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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