you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
where does the pee come out of this thing
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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