when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
