The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
