New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
