can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Randomize
