I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize