I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
where are my eyebrows?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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